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儿童眼中的“刀子嘴”

2017-08-26 14:05:50   中国青年网

/ 零露

我注意到,这种父母的“恨”作用于孩子身上,往往只能短暂地制止孩子的不良行为,并不能真正改变孩子的劣根。

珮嘉:你好!

今天一大早,爸爸打来电话,说是老邻居李阿姨非常喜爱我谈论母爱之界限那本书,并写了信给我。晚上接到信,上面的一个情节让我久久不能平静。也正是你曾问我的一个问题:父母是否可以打小孩儿?

在你我看来,有时候,小孩子闹起来,似乎不用强硬的态度就制止不了。你曾说:“我可没有那个耐心和小孩子啰嗦那么多道理,看到毛病不及时制止就是家长的失职,小孩子该打就打,不能任其发展。”你的这话乍听上去也没错,但这却不是解决问题的全部。后来仔细想想这事,我又注意到,这种父母的“恨”作用于孩子身上,往往只能短暂地制止孩子的不良行为,并不能真正改变孩子的劣根。他们通过我们的打骂,只是知道了什么是不该做的,但这样的教育里却没有告诉他们什么是该做的。

说到这,我忽然想起前些时候咱俩在哈德逊河畔散步时遇到的那对父子。当时,你告诉说,那父亲是你的好朋友,儿子是非常优秀的留学生,你说:“老见到这父子俩一起散步,也不知道他们怎么就那么有的说?”现在想来,问题的关键可能就在于此。“优秀”和“有的说”之间是有必然联系的。和孩子探讨人生的道理靠的是平日的积累,一定不要等到遇到事情再用拳头去纠偏。这就如同阴天出门要带上雨伞一样,手上有伞就不愁下雨。若是没有准备,遇上下雨,发脾气、埋怨、指责又有什么用处呢?

此外,不要以为我们的初衷是好意,就可以任意和孩子使用“刀子嘴”。和我很要好的一位画家已经年过半百,对于儿时常挨父亲责罚的经历,至今还使他非常受伤,他说:“小时候,对于父亲过于严厉的管教,我并不会觉得父母是‘刀子嘴豆腐心’,那些无情的打骂,对于还是个小孩子的我,其实就是‘刀子嘴刀子心’。”听着这位平日慈眉善目的画家略带愠怒的语气,他似乎还在生他老父亲的气呢。

再叙

姐姐

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