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未曾想过文字 会成为我的应许之地
2017-09-03 03:00:53 中国青年网
回顾写作之初,那个无意为之的发端也有此震惊,一晃就写了这么多年了,原本只是无聊消闲信笔游戏的无心之举,竟持续到了现在,惊喜之余也有惘然,要知道当年我的第一志愿可是外语系啊,当我得知被调剂到中文系时,第一个念头就是,妈呀,赶紧转专业啊。后来发现中文系的日子实在太好过了,我就踏踏实实地见异思迁了。
未曾想过,文字会成为我的应许之地,同样是为了对抗无聊,试图在与时间赤膊相对时抓住点什么留下点什么,或者只是为了让这相对变得不那么难忍受,有的小伙伴成了篮球高手,有的成了麻将名将,有的成了美食家,有的成了称职的平凡人,享受平凡的生活而不觉得不凡,至于我,成了一个写小说的。最初记录倾诉的乐子早已不那么纯粹了,写作也成了人生的枷锁之一,理不清是因为沉重才写作,还是写作加深了沉重。
写小说久了,会有一种优越感兼忧患意识,全因虚虚实实的边界日益模糊,虚构弥补现实,现实印证虚构,有时南柯一梦,有时叶公好龙,小说的阅读与写作唤醒我对生活细节的重新认识,唤醒我从有限的物质空间中获得一种精神的伸展。这也是我依然还和那群不写作的人们生活在那座小城的重要原因之一,我甚至比他们看上去更安于小城的小。
因此写小说固然有它的副作用,但小说写作和小说阅读一样抚慰人心,同时使我观察自己如同他人,观察他人如同体己。写作,后天强化了我的悲悯,后天培养了我的反躬自省,我也借由小说,通过叙述来重组现实,想象性地掌握社会的整体性,理解历史的纵深,又或者只是满足一时的游戏兴致与好奇心。
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