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北川少年的震后青春:有些人这九年过得不太好

2017-05-23 04:11:17   新京报

“我们回北川

地震前的北川县城,是一处安静的所在。四处都是烟青的山,湔河蜿蜒而过。五月的阳光下,鸟声无止无休。

张丹玥记得很多小时候的事。北川中学门口饭馆的米汤好喝,妈妈每回舀一大碗,吹冷了,端到她眼前。

外公外婆也在地震中遇难。张丹玥记得外婆对她的好,外婆怕外面卖的零食不干净,自己在家把火腿肠串好,斜着切几刀,放锅里油炸,涂好辣椒粉和孜然粉。她最爱外婆做的刀削面,嚼起来特别有韧性,连牙缝里都是面的香味。还有甜豆花、春卷、卤煮肚子……她之后再也没吃过了。

过去的细节越甜蜜,她越是不敢回想。每年五月一到,这种思念就揪着她不放。

张丹玥说,震后这九年,她过得并不太好。

她被接到绵竹的舅舅家,中学六年都住校。班上同学好奇这个外地同学的身世,她把家事和盘托出,没有得到安慰,反而被孤立。同寝的室友当她的面念叨,“哎呀,我爸爸妈妈好爱我呀”。那是一种变相的提醒——你是个没妈的孩子。她从不反击,怯懦得近乎自闭。

初二,青春期的她开始自残。用刀子划手腕,又怕疼,一刀又一刀,在手臂留下了许多疤痕,“夏天我不敢穿短袖,怕被舅舅、舅妈知道,他们问我热不热,我说不热。”她挽起袖子,伸出细细的手臂,还能看到一条白线。

舅舅对她很好,但心里的苦涩她从不讲。有一次,舅舅恍惚间开着车就往北川的方向走。开累了,趴在方向盘上开始哭,一边喊“我们回北川”。

她真的没法跟他说,他们同样撕心裂肺。

地震时在上政治课的高二五班,52人活下来26人,折损整整一半。

复课的北川中学,高二的十个班级合成了六个,板房教室里,坐着四肢健全的学生、高位截肢的学生、失去双亲的学生……

高二十班的左赵梁记得,地震当天,一位女同学下半身被压死,血汩汩而出,她爸用尽所有的办法,却无能为力。到了半夜时分,原本呻吟声一片的废墟逐渐陷入死寂。最后,全班只有两位女生获救,一位大腿截肢,一位小腿截肢。

左赵梁的同桌就是那位被高位截肢的女生。她戴着假肢回校,肉还在长,磨得她疼,“啪嗒啪嗒”掉眼泪。死里逃生活下来了,她还是忍不住要恨这个世界,“为什么是我没了腿,别人却活得好好的?”

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