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有的孩子是草莓,有的孩子是葡萄
2017-09-01 04:15:51 中国青年网
S对自己说:孩子看点漫画书,天会塌下来吗?孩子拖拉,天会塌下来吗?孩子玩一天电脑游戏,天会塌下来吗?孩子不参加培训班,天会塌下来吗?孩子没有写作业,天会塌下来吗?……她不断假定出一个极端的可能,“天会塌下来”,然后排除这个可能,于是渐安稳。逐渐,儿子的一切不理想似乎都变得可以接纳,因为他本来就是亿万人中一个再普通不过的男孩。
“就是在这个过程中,发生了看不见的化学变化,他真的朝那个光亮的方向走去了。他觉得自己是被接受的,他跟你撕掳不清的自我消耗得以放空,只留下完整的能量用于自我的发展和更新——玩,和学,来,和去。对朋友,自己选择,对志趣,听从天性。他感到他的生命属于自己了,他当然愿意往那个更好的方向去走,在这一点上,每个孩子并无不同。”S惊喜地发现,儿子逐渐变得自立、成熟。今年中考,儿子被当地最好的高中录取,这是她之前无法想象的。
这是耐心等待的“魔法”——给孩子空间与时间,等待他在一个松弛的环境中自我成长,不是焦虑地催促念叨,更不是责备打骂,相信孩子在一个宜人的环境里才会发展他的灵性,完成蜕变。“如果要更新,也应是他自己内心愿意更新,而不是被我拖泥带水硬拽着前行。”S说。
而许多父母的错乱,不过是源于等不及,什么都想“领先一步”,而后“步步为赢”,结果,父母与孩子都跑得踉跄、狼狈。
给孩子一点时间,像当年你等待他学会走路、说话、奔跑时那样,面带微笑。
对一件事了解得越深,
爱的程度也越深。
如果有人以为,
所有的水果都同草莓一起成熟,
那他对葡萄就一无所知。
这也是弗洛姆在《爱的艺术》中说的。不要催促所有的水果在一个季节成熟,因为有的孩子是红色的草莓,有的孩子却是紫色的葡萄。
(作者:陈蔚文)
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