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孩子,这是你的事 那是我的事

2017-08-22 07:53:00   中国青年网

■P.E.T.:父母效能训练(Parent Effectiveness Training),是将人本主义心理学应用在亲子沟通中,帮助人们获得更幸福和谐的家庭关系。

晚上带女儿果果出门吃饭。吃完之后,果果说:“爸爸,我想要糖。你帮我去拿。”我问她:“是宝宝要吃糖,还是爸爸要吃塘。”果果答:“是我呀。”我继续问,“是宝宝想吃糖,所以拿糖是你的事情呀,为什么让爸爸给你去拿呢?”果果想了一下,愉快地跳下了凳子,去柜台那里,垫脚拿到了一颗糖。

第二天,早上倾盆大雨,果果很兴奋地去拿自己的超级飞侠雨伞。我也从抽屉里拿出咖啡色折叠伞。果果看到后说:“爸爸,这伞不好看,你还是拿蓝色那把。”我想了想,蹲下来说:“谢谢宝宝给爸爸的意见。但爸爸用什么伞是爸爸的事情,咖啡色伞大,可以把爸爸全部罩起来。”果果笑着说:“好吧,我们去幼儿园。”

每个人在社会上生活,都需要有一个属于自己的安全空间,但和家人在一起,就对所谓的个人边界没那么在意。孩子玩拼图游戏,可是半天也拼不成功,气得哇哇大叫。妈妈得知后很快帮孩子拼成一幅完整的图画,儿子拍手叫好,妈妈也很高兴。但其实妈妈这样,是剥夺了孩子积攒自信和抵挡挫折能力的机会。

家里只有三个桔子了,爸爸、妈妈和三岁的女儿一人一个。女儿吃完一个桔子后说,“桔子太好吃了,我都要吃完。”爸爸妈妈笑着看着女儿吃完另外两个桔子,满脸幸福。但从来没有想过,长此以往,孩子就会越来越无所顾忌,心里只有自己。这会成为她以后和人交往的重大障碍。

相互尊重,“爱”才不会成为伤人的牢笼。帮助孩子学会尊重别人的边界和自己的边界,他们会因此知道什么是我的,什么是别人的,什么是责任感,然后最终活出真实的自我,成为人生真正的主人。

孙承英

`潮妈经`

带着孩子看世界

潮妈档案:子瑜妈 39岁,建筑师,目前基本全职在家带孩子,偶尔画两张图赚零用

不满5岁的子瑜宝宝一本护照所有页面已经盖满了。带她旅行的初衷简单,因为我和她爸爸都爱旅行。养育孩子也不能放弃自我的成长。抱着一家三口要在一起的信念,子瑜九个月的时候我们就带她出国了。

她满两岁后,我们放弃了舒适的东南亚,经济发达的欧美,去挑战一些“难度”。去加勒比海地区,20天的行程,有的地方物资匮乏。长时间的长途夜班车,机场等待十几个小时的转机等等,她都坚持下来了。后来我们又去了约旦、埃及、以色列、甚至印度。孩子只能去沙滩挖沙,绝对不是哦。看不懂没有关系,我们只是给她呈现世界的多样性,仅此而已。

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