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我婆婆被宠成了小公主
2017-08-13 06:56:57 中国青年网
我是真没有办法了,遇到这样一个婆婆,我现在就期望着孩子再大一些能够上幼儿园了,就不让我公婆帮忙了,让他们安享晚年,我也能松口气了。
看到自身爱的缺乏
长春大爱心理咨询中心主任咨询师 尹航
长春晚报记者 刘冰
记者:百香果坦言,她的婆婆对她已经很好了,可是因为遇到问题时婆婆的处理方式让她很不爽,那么在接下来她与婆婆的相处中需要注意哪些方面?
尹航:老人一辈子的生活习惯和关系应对模式都已经固定下来,想要老人做出改变很难,而我们改变自己的应对模式才是最容易的出口。之所以感觉到关系不和谐,就是因为有期待,有期待时如果对方不能符合自己的心意,就会失望。每个人的原生家庭不同,遇到事情处理的方式自然不同,承认对方是对的对我们来讲也许很难,但这种接纳却可以很好地改善彼此的关系。就像案例中,婆婆受伤了,让丈夫和儿子心疼自己其实也没错,百香果看不惯,可以向自己的内心去看,自己是不是也渴望被宠爱,为何自己不敢表达,在恐惧什么,如果有这样的反思,也许能发现自己内在的爱的匮乏,所以不敢要爱求爱,只能自己忍着憋着。凡事多向自己的内在看,接受婆婆的撒娇,也问问自己,有什么优点是能从婆婆身上学习到的,这样取长补短,才会有进一步的成长。越是感到不爽的地方,越是我们需要成长的地方。你用心对一个人好,对方是能感受到的。
记者:在这个案例中,百香果的丈夫应该在妻子与母亲之间如何平衡?
尹航:百香果的丈夫从小从和母亲的互动关系中,学到如何照顾妻子关爱妻子,这些是要感谢母亲的言传身教的,让他学会如何和女人相处,充满爱的家庭氛围也让他自然而然学会了孝敬父母。面对她们二人的关系冲突,妻子觉得母亲被宠爱,这背后有不满,其实也是希望获得同样的关爱。百香果的丈夫在日常生活中,要给妻子更多的关爱,来满足老婆内心对爱的渴望,她被满足了,就不会计较丈夫对妈妈的爱或多或少。他对母亲的关注要让妻子认识到,这是在孝敬母亲,感谢和回报母亲的养育之恩,妻子不必心存芥蒂,她要感谢是婆婆一手调教培养出的好丈夫的,到了百香果这里,就是在享用婆婆多年来的培养成果。妻子和婆婆之间不是争夺的关系,而是都被这个男人爱的关系。他要多在彼此面前说对方的好话,营造开心快乐的氛围,能更好的促进婆媳关系。
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