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隔代抚养问题多 小伢还应父母带
2017-09-03 04:45:53 中国青年网
“隔代抚养的孩子有相当比例存在个性缺陷和社会适应能力欠缺。”武汉大学特聘教授、青少年教育专家尹邓安教授指出,大量调研结果显示,在我国70%的“隔代抚养”都不成功。他解释,老人对于孩子的生理保育多于培养教育,使孩子形成了骄横、任性的性格,长此以往,被溺爱长大的孩子对父母的管教抵抗,并与之疏远。
尹邓安表示,抚养孩子,和孩子一起成长,本身也是年轻父母走向成熟的体现。现在孩子早熟,心理成长变化快,容易出现叛逆现象,需要父母的及时引导和沟通,建立良好的亲子关系,而年迈的祖辈往往跟不上孩子的变化,不能给予应有的关怀和抚慰。
武汉市心理医院儿少病区主任马筠强调,父母与子女的互动能够促进孩子性别角色的发展、社会适应性、学业成就、健康情感的建立,这通常是老人难以完成的。
但是,中南医院儿童神经与心理门诊副主任医师范静怡说,很多父母在孩子上学之后,才开始关注孩子,而且更多地是在学习方面。此前他们错失了与孩子沟通交流的最佳期,孩子的情感需求长期得不到满足,致使他们从感情上不愿意接纳父母,也就不能接受父母的管教,亲子之间频发冲突,最后可能诱发心理疾病。
“自己的孩子自己带。”在武汉大学人民医院精神卫生中心博导王高华教授看来,养育孩子是父母不可推卸的责任,应该是年轻人“唱主角”,老人“搭把手”。“双方角色定位清楚了,老人的压力自然就小了。”他反复强调,年轻人不要偷懒,孩子不是爷爷奶奶的孩子;老人也不应插手年轻人管孩子,剥夺儿子女儿抚养其孩子的权利。另外,当育儿观念发生分歧时多沟通,老人最好尊重年轻人的意见。
张昌勇呼吁,上世纪八九十年代,很多单位都有专门的托儿所,“二孩时代”社会相关部门和民间机构可以多增加幼托机构,这样也可以分担和减轻老人的压力。
记者刘璇 通讯员邓盛强 陈识
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