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孩子,这是你的事 那是我的事

2017-08-22 07:53:00   中国青年网

孩子?这是你的事

那是我的事

开篇语

`大讲堂`

儿子屡被“我不跟你玩”要挟

我家孩子马上5岁了,邻居孩子比我家的大一岁。那孩子每天来我家玩玩具,只要我儿子某个玩具不给他,他就说“那我不跟你玩儿了”,儿子就赶紧把自己喜欢的玩具奉上去。他说“不跟你玩”的频率超高,在我看来就是他对我儿子呼来喝去,我家儿子还巴巴跟着玩。

前天我提前下班准备带孩子去培训班,正好儿子在楼下和那个男孩玩球,儿子看到我回来就跑上来和我撒娇,我们准备离开时,那男孩一句“你有妈妈陪,那我不跟你玩了”。儿子一听这话,又立马扔下我,陪那个孩子玩球去了。

我属于从小陪伴孩子很多的妈妈,孩子习惯养成很好,性格也温和善良。看到他这样,我心里不好受。不知道是不是我反应过激了。

果果花:

亲爱的,你的反应一点都不过激,这属于你自己真实的感受和情绪。这时,你完全可以这样跟孩子表达:“宝贝,妈妈特意下班回来带你去培训班,可是你听到哥哥说不跟你玩了,就去跟哥哥一起玩球不理妈妈了,妈妈很伤心失望呢!妈妈也想跟你玩。”大多数情况下,孩子看到妈妈这样表达后就会跟上妈妈的脚步。

从孩子的角度来讲,第一,他需要同龄朋友,发展自己的社交。第二,你的孩子性格温和善良,习惯养成也很好,家庭教养方式应该是比较“规则”化和“文明”化的。而那个哥哥,明显有更多自我欲求表达。自我欲求表达充分的孩子,能量很高,力量感很强,温和谦让的孩子容易被这一类孩子所吸引。

那以后怎么处理呢?第一,鼓励孩子说出自己的想法和需求,不过多地用成人世界的标准和规则来要求孩子,增强他的内心力量。第二,不过多干涉孩子和这个哥哥的交往。等孩子内在力量足够的时候,他自己会换一种类型的朋友。

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