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[静观]孝顺和听话

2017-08-12 17:17:23   央广网

央广网北京8月12日消息(记者沈静文)据中国之声《新闻晚高峰》报道,不到两岁的某天,马里奥突然对着我朗声说,“沈静文,吃饭了!”我搭档读圣贤书长大,一听大惊失色,没大没小,妈妈的名字岂是给你叫的?我听了那殷切的呼唤,只觉得十分有趣。答应了第一次,我的名字从此在家里此起彼伏。

我希望我的孩子是个什么样的人?有很多种可能,我唯独不需要他“孝顺”。“孝顺”的意思是,我生你养你,所以你必须无条件依从我。“孝顺”跟前,父母威严压倒是非正误,不能还嘴、不能反对、不能说理,简直不堪为人。我并非高高在上的赐予者,无需孩子顺从我的意志,在朝夕相处、互相关照中,他爱我,我爱他,两个独立、平等的个体共同学会“爱”,思辨是比顺从更开化的正途。

在安徽阜阳,刘女士对自己18岁的儿子李傲也曾有过各种期待。苦于孩子沉迷上网和厌学,这个暑假,刘女士把李傲送至庐江县一家名为“合肥正能教育”的戒网瘾封闭式特训学校。校方承诺绝不会使用极端手段。但入校仅48小时后,刘女士在当地医院见到已经死亡的儿子,“儿子身上满是伤痕,从头到脚几乎没有好的地方”,她还引述法医说法“除了身上20多处外伤外,还有一些内伤”。

含辛茹苦,痛失刚刚成年的孩子,无法想象的痛,无法原谅的错。

这不是第一家出事的非法办学的“网瘾戒除机构”。在2016年8月,一篇热转的檄文将数年前曾以“电击疗法”受到舆论关注的“网瘾治疗专家”杨永信再次拉回公众视线。绑上治疗床,佩戴抽搐型电痉挛非法设备,从“忽悠家长想回家”、“空腹吃药”、“上厕所锁门”到“执行力不足”、“挑战杨叔模式”、“在点评课上带有不接受情绪”,触犯86条中的任一条,直接电床伺候。狗尚且怕扑上通了电的铁围栏,如此反人类的所谓“治疗”,当然是有效的。

李傲前往的学校也许没有电床,但与杨永信的学校有本质之别吗?可以想象,那些辗转网吧间寻找逃课的李傲们的绝望日子,刘女士们一定试过苦劝、试过动手,试过所有办法。工作人员的确承诺了“不使用极端手段”,刘女士可曾冷静反问一句,所有温和的手段,难道自己在家里还没有用遍吗?刨除自己用过的所有方法,留给这些戒网瘾学校的,但凡要迅速见效,还剩下多少不“极端”的、合法的选择?

我不相信刘女士在送李傲进学校前没有一丝疑虑,但对深渊中的家庭,戒除网瘾后“一切回归正常”的愿景足以蒙蔽正常的心智。正如当年从杨永信网瘾学校收获百依百顺的孩子的家长,一度在社交平台上反问媒体,“不管他是不是采用电击治疗,我的孩子的确不再上网、也十分听话,还有什么可不满意的呢?”问题是,经历了这些“治疗”,孩子们究竟是戒掉了网瘾,还是戒掉了反抗和说真话的本能?戒网瘾学校,是在戒网瘾,还是戒不听话、不服从?当那些残酷的校门再次打开,不幸者,成为冰冷的尸体,即便是幸运的,也被掏空灵魂、榨干亲情、耗尽对世界的信任。

当马里奥一字一顿喊出“沈静文、吃饭”,我一边用眼神制止家人的惊讶反应,一边正常回答“好的、来了”。在“爱”面前,“孝顺”很重要吗?在生命面前、在一辈子对幸福和快乐的感知面前,一时的不理智、不听话,很重要吗?

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