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另类惩罚教育可能伤害亲子关系
2017-08-12 03:58:46 中国青年网
孩子在水果店里疯跑,摔坏了一颗雪莲果,店家不追究责任,妈妈却主动买下破损的水果,“罚”娃咬牙吃下;孩子不守规矩在游泳池尿尿,被家长发现后一不打二不骂,送到医院看别的小朋友做包皮手术以示惩罚。都说教育孩子要赏罚分明,一些“80后”家长另类惩罚教育引心理专家关注。
孩子摔坏水果 “罚吃”一个小时
为了不浪费食物,也为了让儿子长记性,她额外提出一个“自食其果”的要求:让儿子无论是吃饭还是吃零食前,都要先吃一截雪莲果,直到吃完为止。这个要求对于旁人来说可能无所谓,但对于极不喜爱雪莲果味道的儿子而言犹如吃药,小孩手腕粗的一截雪莲果儿子吃了一个多小时,痛苦到想哭。
该条动态在朋友圈里引起高度关注。不少朋友点赞,认为宋女士引导孩子明辨是非,主动承担后果,是培养孩子责任心的一种智慧育儿方式;也有朋友直言,这样“严惩”儿子的方法太另类,担心会给小朋友留下心理阴影。
心理专家:奖罚都要把握好度
“奖也好罚也好,都是教育的辅助手段,关键是要把握好度。”武大特聘教授、高级心理辅导教师尹邓安认为,宋妈妈引导孩子主动赔偿承担后果的教育理念值得肯定,要求孩子不浪费“自食其果”的做法也可圈可点,但强迫孩子将自己不爱吃的东西吃完为止,这个度则有些过了,不仅容易让孩子产生逆反心理,还会令亲子关系产生嫌隙。他建议,如果跟孩子一起边吃边谈感受,效果可能更好。
尹邓安表示,现在许多年轻家长都很重视孩子责任心的培养,但方法有时候令人大跌眼镜。他举了个例子。之前曾有家长自曝育儿方法:因为家中幼儿不守规矩在游泳池尿尿,她一不打二不骂,把孩子送到医院探望一个刚刚做了包皮手术的小哥哥。她还告诉儿子,小哥哥就是因为不守规矩随地小便所以才受了“罚”。这种哄骗加吓唬的育儿方法,家长自认为十分奏效,实则给孩子造成了极大的心理伤害,甚至对家长产生强烈的不安全感。青春期前,是建立良好亲子关系的黄金时间,而良好的亲子关系也是有效家庭教育的基石。
记者向洁
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