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原标题:“相亲鄙视链” ?结婚不谈条件才是耍流氓
最近网络上流传了一份《相亲价目表》,表格展示的是北京各大公园相亲角的大爷大妈共同奉行的相亲准则,包括户籍、收入、房产、学历等硬性条件,分为顶配、高配、标配、低配、简配和不考虑几个层级,比如,顶配级别,男方要求身价561到1329万,北京户口、东城、西城或海淀房,中高档轿车,月薪五万以上,硕博士或海归博士。女方要求是北京户口、貌美如花、东城西城海淀房、中高档车、月薪2万以上,本科或硕士。
顶配、高配、标配、低配、简配和不考虑,这个线索形成了完整的“相亲角鄙视链”。不同条件的男人,就应该搭配相应条件的女方——一时间,婚姻是否需要门当户对的话题再次摆在公众面前。
其实,“门当户对”这个概念在过去不能说全无道理,因为在人们盲婚哑嫁的时候,没办法了解对方。门当户对,可以扫除一定的不稳定因素。评论员沈彬认为,这个道理在当今仍然适用。“谈婚论嫁不谈条件同样是耍流氓,男女结合门当户对这是很正常的,不要妖魔化。”门当户对不仅仅是房子、车子、票子的问题,更多是三观的问题。把这些都谈清楚了,感情可以更纯粹,婚姻之路走得更顺畅。
另外,婚嫁又是两个家族之间的契约,婚姻关系的是传宗接代、财产分配与继承,所以,总得有个标准。门当户对就解决了这个标准问题。财力相当、阶层相当,文化相当,大家好相处,可以实现利益的最大化。“婚姻并不是说一男一女的结合,而是两个家庭的资源再分配,再匹配。甚至有人说是一个资产的重组或者说兼并的过程”。沈彬认为,改革开放已经40年了,我们已经进入一个相对稳定的社会。这个过程的结果就是,社会身份的慢慢稳定,或者说是身份跃迁没有之前那么剧烈。所以婚姻,也需要理性地维护个人现有阶层。而且,这也并不是“中国特色”。在国外,门当户对也依然是婚姻的基础。小说《傲慢与偏见》和《名利场》,也有相应的描述。
不过,长期研究婚恋问题的专家陈露也提醒,婚姻毕竟不是两个家庭的资产重组,不是单纯的谈生意,如果说门当户对有同样的价值观,那我们谈下来,哪怕签婚前协议都没有问题。但是前提是价值观要相同,否则三观不合的话,这种事先的谈条件,很容易让另一方误以为算计,反而会给未来两人的相处,乃至婚姻生活,埋下危险的隐患。
(看看新闻Knews记者 施蒙纳 )
责任编辑:都基强 CN065
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