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相亲的鄙视链都出来了,要求“京籍京户”是弱者对婚姻的委曲求全

2017-07-13 08:09:15   

媒体总结出的一条“中国式相亲鄙视链”火了。在北京,“京籍京户”“中心城区及教育高地房产”“男性海归”“女性本科”,被认为是相亲市场中最具竞争力的指标。一些相亲者不仅败在房产、户口等硬条件上,还因为某些无厘头的理由被淘汰,例如,因为“十羊九不全”的民间说法,1991年出生的属羊人士备受歧视。

“鄙视链”这个词在网上很流行,但是看到“相亲鄙视链”,还是让人无奈而愤怒。在各大相亲角里,我们丝毫看不到阅读理解题式的对纯洁爱情的美好向往。相反,一言一语都是小心机和大算计。相亲者纷纷披上坚硬的铠甲,抖擞着自己的骄傲,唯恐把心底里最柔软和最脆弱的一面暴露出来。

哪个姑娘不想遇见心中的白马王子?哪个小伙子不期待拥有自己的公主?要说人们不再相信爱情,即使对相亲者来说也是不太公允的。

相亲把所有外在指标打分排名,好像带着大家回到中学时代的年级排行榜前,第一名和第一百名似乎相距甚远,直到多年以后在同学会上握手言欢。显而易见的事实是,纵然“门当户对”,八字和生肖也很完美,双方走入婚姻殿堂,如果没有爱情基础,也难保未来的生活不起波折。报道说,个别相亲者打着“占到便宜后离婚”的算盘,恐怕不纯粹是污名。

相亲也许可以得到爱情,但拥有爱情的人绝不会去相亲。幸好,活跃在相亲角里的绝大多数人是步入暮年的家长,他们饱经世事,不惧怕外界的评说。对任何一个适龄青年而言,把完整的自己分割成多个指标,分门别类地细化打分,绝非促进荷尔蒙分泌的体验。就算你是海归博士、倾城美女,在爱情这道人生大考上未得一分,未尝不是遗憾。

好了,就算不说“爱情唯一论”,用更世俗的眼光看,站到相亲台上“任人挑选”,你其实已经承认了自己的弱小与无力。在相亲角里斤斤计较,无非是为了在婚恋这一人类最古老资源交换仪式中,自己不失一城一池。殊不知,计较来的婚姻本没有大格局,自然也开拓不了更广阔的疆土。

步入婚恋之年的90后大量参加相亲,常给人一种传统与现代的错置感。其实,相亲永远紧跟时代,相亲角几乎是所有时代问题的大熔炉。再也没有一个地方像相亲角一样,敏锐地对社会的风吹草动作出反馈。一个不乏现实基础的段子是:自雄安新区正式成立以后,该地区的相亲网站流量急剧上升。“我在雄安有套房”成了最精准的醒世恒言。

在当前的社会格局中,具有“国民老公”身份的“×二代”,身边从来不乏美女围着转,其父母也从来不可能到朝阳公园或者人民广场举牌子相亲。但是,别以为这里面只有铜锈味,如果同样展开对真挚爱情的追逐,“国民老公”一言不发就开私人飞机过来求婚的洒脱,上演霸道总裁和玛丽苏的戏码,其付出绝非在相亲市场上被动等待丘比特眷顾的人所能理解。每一个阶层都有每一个阶层的“舍得”,坐等别人的施舍才是可悲的。

在婚姻关系中,要求门当户对不是原罪,没有爱情基础的门当户对才是问题。步步精心计算,患得患失,往往误了他人也害了自己。社会资源分配的既得利益者固然有能力任性,但是弱势者和中下阶层也不必委曲求全。你坐在宝马车里可能会哭,我坐在自行车后座也可能笑得灿烂。局限在自己的狭小格局里,逢迎某些一时一地的社会价值观,不仅无趣,而且无能。

王钟的

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