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冯雪梅:对不起,我是一个拿着保温杯的中年女

2017-08-29 11:45:32   中国经济网

文 |冯雪梅

没有人在意女人的中年危机,包括她们自己。人们更关心一个替代词:更年期综合症。前者是一种状态,一种抗争,一种隐喻;后者则是病。

黑豹乐队的鼓手赵明义,手持保温怀,和发福的身材、斑驳的白发一起出现于网络上,曾经的反叛与激情如今荡然无存,只剩平和的目光、鼓起的小腹。一个走过身边你恐怕都不会多看一眼的大叔,却是放荡不羁的青春的代言和回忆,如此巨大的反差会让很多人惆怅。后辈们将他当作调侃的对象,然后大喊大叫着讨论中年危机,而真正的人到中年者,却因为懂得而多一份理解和相惜。他们不太会嘲笑别人的窘迫,也不会去诉说自己的焦虑,隐忍和沉默已经成为他们的处世之道。谁不曾有过年少张狂?从年轻人身上,他们隐约看到自己年少时的影子;从中年人身上,他们知道自己是“绝大多数”,终究要退出历史舞台。

▲资料:赵明义微博自曝图

这是一代又一代人的结局,不管你曾经多么不忿,多么不甘,终将从新人变成前辈。“你们迟早会成为我,而我永远不会再是你们”——谁都抵挡不住岁月,人生的规律大抵如此,渐渐地也就心平气和,随了大流。而所谓的中年危机,也就是妥协之中的挣扎,不甘心激流勇退,想在走入“人生下坡路”之前再最后一搏。

可这种挣扎、不满与焦虑,似乎只属于男人,是他们退场之前在舞台中央最后的谢幕。女人们呢,只是观众,她们在告别青春之后就直接步入中年,没有过度,没有抗争,不存在危机。

不对,也并非心甘情愿,抗争的方式可能只有广场舞,她们不肯黯然隐退、悄无声息,于是就以一种大张旗鼓的集体运动的方式,引人注目,占据舞台的一隅。

危机呢?男人是即将告别颠峰时的依依不舍、惆怅满怀;女人能登上峰顶已经是运气和恩赐了。50岁左右的男高管会有中年危机,因为遭遇职位和薪水的天花板,后面有人对你虎视眈眈,前面的老大哥丝毫没有让位的意思——就算有,也会优先考虑新人,他们比你更有闯劲儿,而你在这个位置上已经待了十多年,环顾四周,一茬荐的新人,没几个人比你资历老,心里岂不惶恐?女人呢?他们会说,你已经是这个行业的拔尖者,身居此位已属凤毛麟角,还有什么不满足?大姐,别那么矫情好不?

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