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幸福的N种感觉
2017-09-04 03:50:49 中国青年网
说来惭愧,我是个时常有些迟钝的人,以致于教同学题目往往教不清楚,而且常词不达意。更要命的是在碰到幸福之事,往往不明不白地被幸福感包围,却要几天甚至几周才能反应过来为何幸福,有些事到现在也没完全悟透。加之表达不畅,更加深此等苦闷。但这幸福感却也是实实在在的,出现的方式更是奇妙。
在湖南长沙旅游时,我点了一道当地名小吃“糖油粑粑”。糖油粑粑是一种红色的干汤圆,外表泛着油光,局促在一小盘里,煞是可爱。当我一口咬下去,就感觉一股介于珍珠和年糕间的弹力抵达牙尖,随后是牙龈。然后舌尖感到甜,红糖略显粗糙又热烈的甜味。最后是糯,包裹住味蕾。这和糖不甩相似又极不同,糖不甩的甜仅停留在表面那层酱上,而且里面有点硬。但糖油粑粑受油加工后,甜味由深至浅由外向内颇有层次,而且芯也是糯的,牙齿撕开它时的那种粘连和抗拒恰到好处,更是水煮汤圆抑或糖不甩无可比拟的。那一瞬间仿佛是灵魂起了共鸣,想站起来大喊:“十六年了!总算找到了!”内心更是被一种无限的幸福裹挟。每一次想到它,还是会想:“怎么会有这么好吃的东西!”一边露出笑容,叹一口气。
今年夏天在英国约克郡,漫无目的地逛了近两小时,突然我听到了歌声,唱的是《Unchained Melody》。我寻声走到一个广场,发现唱歌的年轻男子,竟和我之前在同一个屋檐下躲雨。当时我只觉得他蛮帅的,还为没有拍他的照片而可惜,此刻更是喜出望外,赶紧把他唱的这一首录下来。而下一首,更让我惊喜,是《Bridge over troubled water》。这名歌手在高音部分相当出色,干净又稍带沙哑。这首歌在我接待美国大学生时,也听他和老爸合唱过。老爸和那名叫Aaron的学生都很喜欢Simon&Garfunkel,到兴头上一起随着车载音响引吭高歌。Aaron是学校合唱的成员,发挥良好。而老爸偏细的嗓音连吐字都有点含糊,不敢恭维,事后想想却不失一种奇趣。此时再听到此曲,怎能不感动!这种感动包含归属感,包含对生活的赞美,还有许多我至今也没理解但总觉得神秘又美好的东西。我彻彻底底爱上了这首曲子。当时我几乎要落泪,一边走一边想:来到一个陌生的地方,听一个陌生又帅气的歌手唱一首熟悉的歌,感受天南地北的几个人甚至几代人生命交叉缠连,更何况是因一首如此忧伤而美妙,如诗如梦的歌而交缠,我究竟还有什么可求的呢?
我有两位要好的初中同学,一个去了美国最东,一个去了美国最西。暑假他们回来,晚上聚餐,看他们放纵又放空的样子,聊一些我已不知道的话题,我却说不出话。那时,悲伤,嫉妒,自我嘲讽,感叹物是人非,一起涌了上来。同时,我也感到一阵无上的幸福,来源于别人,也来源于自己过去。就好像直线相交后,又渐行渐远,我却从远离中感到幸福,一如当初相靠近。当时我还有好多想法,以万计的各种冲动,但全都被可怜的自我保护憋杀。没有哪一夜能像那天那样,让我体会到这像碎瓷般驳杂的心情。提到“幸福”,我马上会想起那晚,随即心情迅速变换,每当我试图追上一种情感,它就已变成另外的东西了。
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