新闻
404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China

孩子的性格能不能改造

2017-09-02 14:55:52   中国青年网

■鲁稚

我们总是爱用自己的好恶去评判孩子,将一些原本中性的词染上褒贬色彩。比如“活泼”是好的,“内向”就不好。曾经有个家长问我,他的孩子性格内向,适不适合去美国留学,因为感觉美国人更喜欢开朗自信的孩子。我觉得很奇怪,难道内向的人就不自信,不开朗吗?外向就等于自信开朗?

很多人总是以外向和内向来评价一个人的意志品质,这其实是误解。性格不等于意志品质,一些看上去粗犷的人,内心其实脆弱,而一些看上去文弱的人,内在却很坚韧,不能以他是不是爱说话来衡量他内在力量的强弱。

我们往往并不能真正理解孩子性格的内涵。譬如说“胆大”,我儿子鲁鲁小时候很胆小,不敢游泳,不敢坐过山车,不敢在课堂上发言,不敢和老师打招呼。但是他却敢于坚持真实的自己——忘了戴红领巾敢于走进学校,挨批评就挨批评;没完成作业敢于不作假,没做完就直接承认没做完;考试敢于不按平时演练的范文写,自己临场发挥,得低分就得低分。

为什么在一些事情上他有非凡的胆量,而在另一些事情上却是如此胆怯呢?

“胆大”并不是我们理解的“什么事都敢做”。人不敢面对某件事,往往是因为不能承受其后果,所以逃避,这叫“不敢”。但有时候,我们以为他是“不敢”去做的事,实际上只是他“不愿”去做,这与勇气无关。所以,胆量问题其实涉及两个概念,一个是价值观,一个是承受力,这两者构成了“胆量”的含义。真正的“胆量”意味着作出价值判断,付诸行动,并承受后果。

所以,鲁鲁当他认为自己不能胜任游泳,因而选择放弃游泳,宁愿留在岸上被人嘲笑也不冒险下水,这恰恰说明了他的胆量。

他之所以不敢发言,不敢和老师打招呼,是对自我认识不足,对自己没有信心,怕说错,怕被拒绝,说明他这方面缺乏自信,缺乏安全感。这也正是需要我们父母包容他,帮助他成长的地方。事实上,他长大以后,自我评价提高了,自信心增强了,胆量也大了,行动上就变得落落大方。他上初中以后,在众人面前腼腆胆怯这个问题已经基本解决,高中以后在全校演讲也不发怵,现在在美国上大学,很快融入陌生环境,生活学习毫无问题,社团活动也非常积极。

所以,性格也是一个动态的概念,千万不要轻易给孩子贴标签。有些标签一旦贴上就揭不下来,成为孩子一辈子的负担。更不要想去改造孩子的性格,“改造”就意味着不满,这种否定的态度,本身就是对孩子自尊心的极大打击。而打击孩子的自尊,会损害他的自我评价,影响到他的自信自爱,反而造就扭曲人格,长远损害难以估量。

上一页1/2下一页
404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China
404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China

相关阅读

404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China
404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China
404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China
分享到:
0 0
404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China
404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China

美图推荐

404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China
404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China
404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China
404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China

为您推荐

加载更多>>
404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China
404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China
404 Not Found

404 Not Found

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Please report this message and include the following information to us.
Thank you very much!

URL: http://3g.china.com:8080/act/news/11038989/20170902/31263373.html
Server: cms-8-252
Date: 2024/12/28 09:44:19

Powered by China
China