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孩子脾气易怒 家长应当冷处理 尝试“三步思考法”

2017-08-24 09:22:57   央广网

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案例

提问:我家孩子上一年级了,感觉他现在就像是个“小炸弹”——平日里是个有主见、爽快率直的孩子,但是一遇到不顺心的事,就立马发起脾气,满脸涨红、嚎啕喊叫、撕扯东西,完全听不进去劝说。每当这个时候,一旁的家长真是又恼又心疼,恼的是孩子无缘无故发火“找事”,心疼的是孩子红肿的眼睛、嘶哑的嗓子……请问我应该怎么办呢?

专家观点

北京市第一实验小学语文高级教师、北京市中小学“紫禁杯”优秀班主任马静:家长可能心中纳闷,我们平日并没有娇宠孩子,孩子的长辈、玩伴也都没有乱发脾气的现象,孩子怎么这么“火爆”、听不得人劝呢?我们先从气质特征上对此类儿童进行一下了解。从气质特征的分类来讲,如上儿童属于典型的胆汁质的孩子。胆汁质是人的四种性格类型之一,其特点是“情感发生迅速、强烈、持久,动作的发生也是迅速、强烈、有力”。属于这一类型的人都热情、直爽、精力旺盛,同时脾气急躁、心境变化剧烈,易动感情,具有外倾性。

孩子发火时候尝试先“冷处理”

对待这样的孩子,需要和他讲道理。首先,我们可以和孩子商定一个小“暗号”。当突发事情孩子情绪不对时,赶紧打出暗号,让孩子感受到家长对自己的关心,将注意力转移;其次,一旦孩子发起脾气,家长应采取冷处理的方式。待孩子的情绪慢慢稳定下来以后,再和他(她)谈。切忌家长不冷静,与孩子对着叫嚷、甚至打孩子,这只能使孩子更加急躁。当然,也不能因为孩子发脾气就放弃自己的原则,对孩子又哄又抱,这只能助长孩子乱发脾气的坏毛病。也就是说,在纠正这样的儿童行为时,我们都发现与孩子“针锋相对”或是“苦口婆心”都起不到有效的帮助作用。

“三步思考法”与孩子共同梳理易怒原因

在我的常年教学活动中,我总结我们可以与孩子共同尝试用“三步思考法” 来抑制过激的行为。第一,引导孩子明白“发火”不能解决问题,在孩子倾诉的过程中,家长用慢慢引导孩子体会“这件事情不值得发这么大脾气”。第二,帮助孩子总结出现的问题是怎么造成的。胆汁质类型的孩子比较有主见,有很强的支配力,不希望总受他人的支配和压制。那么,就让孩子冷静之后自己去发现问题是怎么造成的。孩子会逐渐明白:哦,作业本脏了,是因为刚才用的橡皮太脏了;晚饭汤汁滴到刚洗完澡的身上,是因为边看电视边吃饭分心了;家长临时有事,无法完成周末全家出游的计划。找到事情的缘由,会给孩子一种豁然开朗的感受。第三,和孩子探讨更好的解决办法。家长这个时候就要更加耐心,引导孩子行动起来,用更好的办法解决问题:橡皮太脏了,那就和妈妈一起让橡皮重新穿上白衣服;汤汁滴到刚洗完澡的身上,那就赶快擦干净汤汁,或者先看电视,或者先吃饭,从此改掉一心二用的坏习惯;家长临时有事,无法完成周末全家出游的计划,那就立刻重新调整计划,安排一次更精彩的家庭活动吧!(记者 雷若彤)

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