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锻炼还是折磨 乐嘉是否询问过女儿

2017-08-15 06:43:02   中国青年网

许多中国家长没能意识到,独立性与自主性在孩子的成长中起着至关重要的作用。

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据中国之声《新闻晚高峰》报道,近日主持人乐嘉连发多条微博,分享了他与女儿首次参加沙漠徒步活动的过程。视频中,乐嘉年仅4岁半的女儿蹒跚前进,跟大人一样徒步4天走完近76公里。舆论场中的意见分为两派,有人认为这对孩子是积极的锻炼,塑造了孩子的独立性和吃苦精神;也有人认为,这简直就在折磨孩子。

不消说,双方说的都有道理。何况,如何教育孩子,本就没有标准答案。无论是虎爸虎妈,或是慈父慈母,皆无原罪。如此说来,乐嘉的教育方式引发的争论固然热闹,实际上不过是他人多管闲事?

事实并非如此。在这场讨论中,十分关键却又为舆论所忽视的,是乐嘉女儿的所思所想。乐嘉的教育方式究竟是锻炼还是折磨,对此最有发言权的,无疑是孩子本人。可如今,众人将大把精力花费在争辩何种教育方式更可取上,并没有在意孩子的想法。

而这一现象的发生,恐怕不是偶然的。中国家庭在传统观念里推崇自上而下的教育方式。《颜氏家训》等经典著作,无不将“教子”置于首要位置。这也意味着,家庭教育容易被异化为单向的灌输,将父母的三观强加给子女。

当记者就其对女儿的教育方式向乐嘉提问时,他如是说:“她的问题在于她喜欢走,她很开心,但她走到一半的时候想放弃。不可能让她放弃,如果放弃了,她以后一辈子都会因为这件事情沮丧,她以后做任何事情都会给自己找借口,她过了这个坎儿以后,做任何事情她都会告诉自己要坚持。”这段回答值得玩味。因为女儿“喜欢”,所以带她参加艰苦的沙漠徒步活动,这本无可厚非。可乐嘉所忽视的是,女儿同样应该拥有放弃的权利。至于她这一辈子是否“会因为这件事情沮丧”,不该由乐嘉来判定。

杜威、蒙台梭利等教育家的理念各有不同,但核心观念有一个:孩子是教育的中心,教育应该在尊重儿童的人格和天赋的基础上进行。但这对中国家庭中天然拥有权威的父母而言,并不容易做到。他们往往倾向于简化与子女的交往关系,不愿意也不可能受子女的约束。因为他们制订了游戏规则,当然不愿意受它的制约。若干年前,美剧《成长的烦恼》热播,着实震撼了我。原因就是,儿子麦克竟然直呼老子杰森之名,两人竟还勾肩搭背,如朋友般聊天。无须讳言,许多中国家长没能意识到,独立性与自主性在孩子的成长中起着至关重要的作用。

因此,我们实在没有必要对乐嘉究竟在锻炼还是在折磨女儿太过纠结。关键在于,选择怎样的成长方式,应由乐嘉与女儿共同决定。一个独立自主的个体,才能对自己、对他人、对社会负责,真正实现人生价值、造福社会。

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