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孩子你们该学学如何当父母了

2017-08-05 07:02:10   中国青年网

心灵面对面

责权利要分清

长春大爱心理咨询中心主任咨询师 尹航

长春晚报记者 刘冰

记者:像太极这样的父母非常常见,为了儿女任劳任怨,但也如太极所说,大包大揽的结果就是让孩子失去了成长的机会。那么,在孩子结婚独立生活后,父母在给予帮助时需要怎样平衡,才能及时帮到孩子又能给予他们成长空间呢?

尹航:责权利要分清,父母参与过多,就剥夺了孩子的成长机会,关注少,又会让孩子觉得缺少了支持。太极和妻子与孩子如果亲密关系减少,会对孩子将来的发展不利,缺少安全感。爱是向下延续的,子代要把父辈的智慧传承下来,父辈要信任并放手让子代去尝试。比如照顾孩子的责任本就属于子代,那就把这个还给孩子,让他们在照顾孩子的过程中学会长大学会承担。没有重大原则性问题及安全隐患问题,大胆的允许孩子去尝试,而教育孩子养成正确的人生观价值观和世界观,则需要大家的共同努力。

记者:如今老人帮着带孩子的现象非常多,那么年轻父母在与孩子沟通交流时需要格外注意哪些方面?

尹航:年轻父母们要珍惜和孩子在一起的时间,提高沟通质量和陪伴的品质,孩子在成长阶段需要满足亲近父母的需求,希望和家长有更多的联结,得到父母的充足的爱。家长们不能一边玩手机,一边陪孩子,一边处理很多公事,一边又照顾孩子,敷衍了事,这种态度会让孩子觉得自己不重要,不被重视。可以留出一个专门的手机静音的时间段,全心全意来陪伴孩子。要了解孩子的想法和期待,多和孩子沟通交流,增加孩子的幸福感。父亲多做鼓励孩子信心勇气力量的事情,母亲多做支持孩子人际关系的事情,父母在孩子面前彼此之间的亲密和爱的表达,也能让孩子感受到幸福。当然,如果能自己亲自带孩子最好了。

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