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性侵受害者亲述:4岁被姨夫性侵 想学坏找他报仇

2017-08-19 16:04:57   澎湃

说实话,如果今天能让我重新选择,我不会告诉他们。4岁时没有告诉他们,我是后悔的,因为当时我不相信父母会相信我说的话,不相信他们会做什么,但这是一个错觉,父母肯定会保护我的,如果我早说,被伤害的时间大大缩短,或者程度没有这么深。

但是如果回到18岁,我不会说。因为首先事情没有解决,家里人还是选择了息事宁人。大家的出发点是好的,想要保护我,他们觉得,说出去你以后怎么做人呀?但这不是我的错呀,我继续好好地做我的人呀。我觉得这个社会对受过伤害的小孩不公平,还是会带着有色眼镜去看他们,好像是他们的错。

而且我告诉家里人,我父母觉得特别亏欠于我,没把我看好。那段时间可能我说我要上天他们都说好,你上,就想把小时候的亏欠一股脑补给我。一下子不会跟我相处了,其实我心里面特别难受。所以再给我一次机会,我是肯定不会说的。

后来也没出国,爸妈不放心,就休学了两年。玩的时候写一些关于旅游的帖子,有一次觉得想把这件事说出来,单纯地想给自己做一个记录。看到的人比我预想的多一些,有人在下面留言:“你是做旅游想红疯了吧?这种丢人事都拿出来说!”后来我就把这篇文章删了。

现在有点后悔。有这样经历的小孩太多了,但我是经历了一个比较完整的心路历程,从对自己的怀疑、伤心、失望,到现在不能说释然,但可以正确地面对,我很希望可以说出来。

但我不希望这件事变成了一个茶余饭后的笑料,让别人看热闹。我已经经历了自己和自己对抗、撕扯,很痛苦,但我也不需要别人同情我,也没抱希望说陌生人替我解决什么,我说出来,只希望不要有人说是我的错。我没有错。

我现在对这件事没有那么避讳,它就是我的一段经历而已。但是我跟我前男友是因为这个分手的。他有一次在网上看类似的帖子,聊起来,我告诉他我的经历以后,他说:“你太残忍了。”他能接受我不是处女这件事,但没有办法接受我小的时候被别人强暴过。他说:“我没法正确地面对你,可能一方面很心疼你,但又很可怜你。”我跟他一吵架,他就觉得我可怜,就把自己的火气压下去。这种情绪掺杂在情侣之间,时间久了很不健康。

我现在的男朋友是一个特别聪明的人。我发过微博,所以他知道我这件事,但他不会跟我去讨论。后来有一次他说,你的过去我没法参与,所有的伤害是已经有了的,我现在安慰你我觉得你也不需要,所以我们好好过现在和以后就行了。

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