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开学季,请为孩子做好这件事

2017-09-03 06:20:50   中国青年网

□ 宗春山 金琰

就在不久前,一位北京名校的女中学生失学后到我这里做咨询,数次咨询后知道孩子最大的心病居然是小学阶段和新任班主任的一次误会。后来我们找到那个当年的老师,解开了孩子多年的心结,父母也是潸然泪下、感激不尽。

但就在我们如释重负的时候,女孩转过身面对着母亲,压抑着内心的情绪,轻声地说了一句:“妈妈,为什么在我最痛苦的时候,你不能理解我?”然后又看着父亲,幽幽吐出了一句:“爸爸,在那个让我伤痛无比的时间里,没有对你的记忆……”妈妈失声痛哭,爸爸无言以对。看,爸爸妈妈在关键时期对孩子的失于陪伴和不理解,竟然比失学的心结对她影响还要深刻、持久。你可能说,这样严重的问题我家没有,但要提醒大家的是,马上是开学季了,这是每个孩子的又一关键期。

因为,开学时孩子的心理和生理都有一个过渡期,去唤醒自己,让自己从休假状态调整到规律的学习状态。适应不好的话,生理上就会出现失眠、嗜睡、厌食,甚至头晕、腹痛等症状,而心理上也会表现出:焦虑、厌学、注意力不集中、记忆力减弱、情绪波动大等情况,给孩子的学业和生活带来严重影响。

去年这个时候,有一位爸爸做得就非常好。他是井下工作的工人,为了陪伴儿子渡过开学适应期,厚着脸皮磨破嘴皮说服了领导,给他请了足足20天的假。同样为人父的我,被他这样的举动深深感动了。这个父亲超级智慧,作为父亲的他已经活得非常明白了,他知道:开学的时候,儿子非常需要他的陪伴。

请假20天的做法固然不是人人都能做到的,也没有必要去效仿。但是,它至少提醒我们:关键时刻,孩子的身边必须有我们。那么,我们怎样陪伴更好呢?这里给大家几个关于陪伴的建议。

第一,尽量保证待在家的时间。当孩子遇到问题时,家长如果第一件时间出现在他身边,他的心就安了,受到的心理伤害就会降低很多,问题也就能更好的解决。

第二,陪伴时尽量排除掉让自己分心的事情。让孩子感受到,此时此刻他才是最重要的,他的心烦和痛苦有人愿意倾听。

第三,仔细倾听孩子诉说,观察他的表情并询问他的感受,然后给孩子一些必要的呼应。比如爸爸理解,妈妈感受到了,你一定很伤心吧?切记,一定不能在孩子描述事件时表达你的否定和愤怒,这会阻止孩子的表达。

第四,允许孩子安全地宣泄自己的情绪,释放自己的委屈。让孩子在您怀里去哭,哭和表达愤怒是孩子的权利,我们不要阻止。

第五,在孩子安静下来后问问孩子,你是怎么想的,你想怎么办,帮助孩子做出必要的分析和选择。

第六,告诉孩子,坚持自己的选择,你选择你承担。父母要无条件支持孩子的积极行动,让孩子列出需要父母帮助的事情。然后全家人一起努力解决问题。

在孩子们生命发芽、精神破土、灵魂安家的成长关键时刻,需要父母陪伴见证;在孩子们成长问题逐级攀升的现实里,需要父母陪伴辅助。对孩子而言,没有什么困难是父母的爱与家庭的温暖解决不了的。陪伴是最长情的告白,愿孩子一切安好。

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