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儿子、孙子和狗

2017-08-07 08:32:09   中国青年网

孙少山

孙子叮叮咚咚地弹钢琴,苦着一张脸。我问,童童你不喜欢弹琴?他说,不喜欢。我说,不喜欢你为什么要弹?他老气横秋地叹了口气说,为了普尼啊。普尼是一只兔子般大的狗。童童说,妈妈说我弹琴才能养普尼,不弹琴就不能养普尼。我大笑,这个妈妈把钢琴和狗捆绑在一起推销,真是天才的发明!我说,狗能传染多种疾病,还是把普尼送出去吧。童童叫道,把普尼送出去,我就把钢琴砸烂!九岁的孩子坚决得让人可怕。三十多年前的故事重演了。

妈妈说,把狗扔出去!儿子说,扔出去它,我也走!

那时我们刚进哈尔滨,儿子不知从哪里抱回家一只小狗,黑色的。四个人居住在35平方米的房子里,哪有养狗的地方?儿子在阳台上搭了个狗窝。当年的妈妈可不通融,她说,抱着你的狗一块儿走!儿子最终把那只小黑狗送出去了,他一连几天饭都吃不下,郁郁寡欢好多日子。

在乡下,儿子曾养过一只狗,尽管我和妻子都不赞成但还是容忍了。我反对养狗是因为当年连人都刚刚吃饱,没有余下的粮食给狗吃。那时的狗都是山上、村里到处跑,自己找食吃,或是和猪、鸡抢食吃,吃的是糠和野菜。每天早晨,儿子吃到最后一口饭都要把嘴巴塞满玉米饼子,跳下炕就向外跑,看上去好似着急去上学,其实那只狗早就守候在门外,眼巴巴地等着,儿子出来一张口,玉米饼子掉出来,黑狗赶紧接住吞吃下去。这真正是口口相哺啊。我没有向妻子揭穿这个秘密。多年后,妻子说她也早就知道孩子的这个秘密,她也没说破。那只狗就这样半饥半饱地长大了。今天看到孙子养的这只小狗,我深深地感到一种遗憾和愧疚,儿子养的那只狗可以说在它的整个生命中就没有吃饱过一次。让一个生命在饥饿中出生在饥饿中结束,这是对造物的最大的罪过。

天很晚了,孙子还在楼下抱着一个平板电脑玩游戏。我说,童童,快上楼玩去,下面太冷。孙子说,普尼在下面没人陪啊。我沉默了,注视着昏暗中蜷缩在沙发上的孙子,感受到这个小小的躯体里面巨大的能量,在他幼嫩的心灵里,爱像水那样饱满四溢。儿童时期是爱的能量最充足的时期,他们爱父母,爱兄弟姐妹,爱朋友伙伴,爱身边的一切生命,甚至包括没有生命的塑料娃娃和玩具熊。儿子和孙子都有过爱狗如命的时期。人的一生,这种爱的能力是随着岁月的流逝而逐渐衰减。我四十多岁的时候,有一次忽然对朋友说,现在我觉得连亲娘都不怎么亲了。朋友们一致谴责我,但我就是有这种感觉。去年我要接95岁的母亲回老家看看她的弟弟妹妹们,不料母亲很果断地说,不去,我一个都不想他们。当时我略吃一惊,现在想来,90多年的消磨,她生命中的爱的能量已经消耗殆尽。

生存环境的恶劣更是加速爱的衰减,贫穷,战争,都是加倍地摧残这种爱的能力。我们这一代人常常以自己的生活经历丰富而自夸,岂不知已经受到了严重的内伤。艾青有句诗我印象深刻,他说,饥饿使年老的失去仁慈,年幼的学会憎恨。当时一读至此我大吃一惊——他怎么会有这种体验?因为他不可能也忍受过饥饿啊。邻居家死了一头猪,女人哭着说,我丢了孩子也没觉得这么心痛啊。大家都嘲笑她过于夸张,但当年贫穷人家即使丢了孩子也确实算不得什么大事。

爱的能量是如此的宝贵,但爱的能力终究是会消耗殆尽的,创造良好的生存环境让孩子的这种能力减缓衰退,是我们的责任。(摘自《今晚报》2017年5月21日)

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