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残疾的我无法面对残疾的男友,我在现实中挣扎

2017-07-09 08:45:40   

我是一个残疾女孩,去年二月份第一次出来打工,后来经同事介绍认识了现在的男友,他也是一个残疾人,身体状况甚至比我糟糕。刚开始只是发发短信或在网上聊天,就这样联系了三个月后我们才见面,说实话当时我真的接受不了他的残疾,我一直都讨厌别人盯着我看时的那种眼神,如果以后我们在一起了,我真的难以想象我该用怎样的心态去面对。

他对我很好,方方面面都能想到,有时候想想残疾又怎样,即使找个正常人也未必会对我这么好,我们交往了半年多,他从来没对我发过脾气也没骂过我,因为我的身体原因我一直很忧郁,他就想尽办法哄我开心,慢慢的我发现他甚至比健康人还厉害,他懂的很多知识,自己开店,对电脑也很精通,说句心里话和他在一起我很开心,有他疼着爱着,哪怕天塌下来我也没有一丝畏惧感。

马上要过年了,我也不喜欢我先前的工作所幸离职了,离职后我就来到了他的店里,他爸妈也在这边,在这之前我是见过的,人也挺和善,对我就像待亲闺女一样,我天天无事可做,他们忙我闲着,不管怎样心里总有些不踏实,毕竟什么忙也帮不了,我又不喜欢说话平时和他们也很少沟通,前几天他无心的一句话却让我哭的像个泪人,我也明白他是想让我和他爸妈多亲近一些,我也不知道当时为何那么不争气,眼泪无法控制地流了出来,好像受了多大委屈似的。

我们相处那么长时间了,可我心里的疙瘩还是没有解开,我喜欢和他在一起的感觉,只是到现在我都无法接受他的残疾,可能我这样说很残忍,明明自己就是残疾人干嘛还嫌弃别人,可是我真的好害怕别人看我们的那种眼神,我不知道我怎样才能克服这种心理,我都说不清走到这一步我到底想得到的是什么。可能我也是虚荣心太强了吧,明明自己也有缺陷,还要要求别人也要优秀,来满足我自己的虚荣心。也太让人议论了吧。

我也想过,和他好好在一起,不去想太多,能有现在的生活已经很不容易了,我不敢确定他是不是真的爱我,他有事从来不告诉我,哪怕他自己在一旁叹气也不给我说,也许他是怕我担心,可是我真的想和他一起分担,爱人就是这样,不是吗?

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