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大学住宿的时候,凌晨两点半收到一条短信

2017-06-26 09:22:41   

前几天回家,看到五岁儿子大腿有一牙印,问他怎么搞的。回答说午休时不好好睡觉,爬到其它小姑娘床上去玩,惹毛了人家,一口咬的。当时,心内五味杂陈,唉,我小时怎么就没这心眼呢。。。

那时初三快毕业那会,校外的一伙小混混来我们班寝室敲诈钱,没有成功,还被打了……第二天报告班主任,班主任把我叫到办公室,叫我到班上挑选十五个高大点的男生到教室晚自习,一人准备一根木棍,出现状况尽管打。原因是他们没有敲到钱,怕晚上来教室偷书卖,结果那天晚上几个小混混悲剧了……

下午四点,经理:“老王老刘,你们可有啥私事要处理,有的话可以提前下班回去。” 老王老刘对视了一眼,一脸狐疑的回答道: 没啥事。 经理忙解释说:“那个……是老板说的,最近天热,公司如果没啥事的话可以提前下班的。” 老王:“回去也没啥事。” 老刘附和的点了点头。 经理:“卧槽!你俩没事,我有事啊,你俩不先走,我怎么锁门,怎么提前下班!”

在公交车上,看见一超短裙美女,车上挤,不小心蹭到她了,当她回头喷怒的看我时 ,我急中生智,说到:“老婆,我们该下车了。”然后在她耳边小声说:”注意小偷。“后来我下车了,她也跟着下来,千谢万谢的,拉着我,非要请我吃饭,最后掏出200元硬要感谢我。。。

大学住宿的时候,凌晨两点半收到一条短信,打开一看:我只是想亮瞎你的眼!当时就掀被子翻到下铺和他大战一场

小时候我去上幼儿园,跟外婆说:“你在外面等我哦!” 放学后,看见外婆在门口,我很惊讶:“外婆,你真的等我啊!”外婆说嗯。长大了以后才知道外婆回去过……

老同学聚会,大家在一起,喝酒聊天,还挺开心,我也是一直哈哈大笑。 这时班长大声说:大家多年未见,都变化不少,男的变帅,女的变美。快看,只有他,对只有他还是那么猥琐。 我也急忙看过去,在说谁那?左看右看。 卧槽你们都看我干什么。。。

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