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蹭个烟都是满满的套路,抠门成这样也算一种境界了

2017-05-04 13:43:47   

人称“老抠”的邱冒,待人,蚊子放屁——小气;处世,吃虱子留条大腿——吝啬。

老抠是个“大烟筒”,抽起烟来一根接一根,一会儿用左手的食指和中指夹着抽,一会儿又用右手的中指和食指夹着抽。左右两手的食指和中指被烟熏得焦黄里带着焦黑。前门牙也熏得像放久了变质的香蕉,黑里泛黄,黄中洇黑。他家来了客人,也从不主动拿出烟来招待,而是瞅着客人一丝不苟地说:“你抽烟不?”客人望他一眼,不好意思说抽,便从兜里掏出自己的烟说:“我这儿有。”

“我记得你不抽烟,怎么也学会了?还抽这么好的烟!”他拿起客人的烟,在手里翻看着,羡慕地说:“哎呀,你这一根烟的价钱能买我抽的一盒烟。”于是,他麻利地从客人的烟盒里抽出两根,给客人一根,他拿一根,然后从兜里掏出打火机,“嘭”一声打着,殷勤地给客人点烟,而后才自己点着,深深吸一口,吐出圈儿圈儿的烟雾,咂咂嘴,奉承地讨好说:“好烟,好烟!我今天有口福。”

客人起身要走时,他贪婪的两眼睁得大大的,目不转睛地盯着客人的烟,嗫嚅着说“烟不拿了?”他伸出的手欲给客人拿烟,但伸出的手停着却半天不动。客人朝他莞尔一笑说:“没几根了,你留着抽吧!”他满脸尴尬地说:“哪能哩。”他嘴上这样说,却不动手把烟给客人拿上。

他热情地把客人一直送到门外,亲切地招手说:“以后常来啊!”客人回头颔首向他笑笑,心里说:“我常来给你送烟?”

他有时在街头巷尾碰见熟人朋友,就拉人家站下来,有话没话和人家陈谷子烂芝麻聊起来,企望人家掏出烟给他抽。但是聊了半天人家也不往出掏烟,他的烟瘾却上来了。他舔舔嘴唇,咽咽唾沫,挪挪脚步,握握拳头,瘾得实在忍不住了,本能地把手伸进兜里去掏烟,但是,捏着烟的手半天不往出掏。手里捏着烟,心里思谋着,一盒烟四块钱,给他抽一根就是两毛钱,不合算,他不掏我也不能掏。于是,空手又从兜里抽出来。等了一会儿,对方仍没往出掏烟的意思,他却瘾得难受,火烧火燎,无法抵挡,难以克制,实在憋不住了,便急中生智说:“你等一等,我尿急。”说着便跑进附近一个脏兮兮的露天公共厕所里,解开裤子蹲下来,也不便,赶忙掏出烟,伴着令人恶心呕吐的臭味儿,伴着嗡嗡乱飞的绿头苍蝇,瞅着满地乱爬的蠕动蛆虫,香香甜甜过瘾地抽起来。

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